Well, it took a little shoving, but here I am back again. And I have some new profoundness to share with you... LAUNDRY DETERGENT!! A housewife's wet dream, something that costs under $20 and lasts 2 years. Fucking fantastic, right? Yeah dude. It's that badass. So let me start by referencing the Duggars. You know them, the 19 Kids and Counting people. I love them. You wouldn't ever know it by the way I talk, but I do. They're damn fine people who don't believe in birth control and I can't be the only one waiting for one of the kids to go rogue and become a drunken tattoo artist, right? Anyhow. They're good people. I am a Christian. Christians can swear too. God and I have talked about it. I'm super nice to old people and babies. That was the deal.
ANYHOW, if you have 1,874 children, you're bound to have to make some budget cuts. This was one of theirs... homemade laundry detergent that works in HE washers! THANK THE LORD! The hardest part of the whole thing is grating the soap. Really. Okay, that and like every month having to refill the damn bottle with nasty gunky looking soap. It works. Shut up.

Here is the "recipe" referenced: http://www.duggarfamily.com/content/duggar_recipes/30455/homemade_liquid_laundry_soap_front_or_top_load_machine_best_value

Wonderful. So cheap. And the shit you use here can be used in making the dishwashing detergent from my first post. THE WORLD MAKES SENSE. So, here's my how to:

4 Cups - hot tap water
1 Fels-Naptha soap bar (who the FUCK thought of that name???????)
1 Cup - Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda
½ Cup Borax

Grate the soap. I had a little hand grater so I sat there and watched an entire hour of Hoarders. I think it fueled my fire... I'm cleaning, what now crazy fucking Hoarders? YOU POOP IN BAGS AND I JUDGE YOU.

Okay, grate the soap and heat it with the water till its, you know, melted and shit. Mix everything else in 5 gallon bucket. Fill rest of bucket with water. Let it thicken (snicker) all night and in the morning, fill up an empty detergent bottle halfway with the now gelly funky shit and the rest with with water and shake it like a polaroid picture. Shake it, shake it, shake it.... BAM. You're done for the next 2-3 years or so. Keep doing the halfway filled and water every time you need a new thing. It makes whites whiter and shit soft as fuck. I love it. And I only ever use cold water to wash. Used it with hot a few times. Still feels the same. You will have to stir the mix every time you refill the bottle. It gets weird and gelled in the middle only. I'll post some before stirring and after stirring pics. You don't get any "making of" pics cause that's like laundry detergent having sex and its weird. Not only that I did it a year ago and am just now telling you about it. Quit judging me and go make some shit.